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” we must realize that each new possibility of a friendship between a woman and a man may require a “no” or “yes” in various circumstances, or at various stages of life. But even between single people, the dangers are significant. This is called “the friend zone,” and it’s very easy for tectonic plates of desire to create exciting and heated friendship when that heat is, in fact, caused by motivations moving in opposite directions.

Since any godly male-female friendship will be friendship between two disciples of Christ, the first step in building that friendship is to “count the cost, whether [you have] enough to complete it” (Luke ). Male-female friendship always brings the possibility for awkwardness, for conflict, for heartache. Whether we’re the desiring or the desired, let’s be honest with ourselves: do we both want the same thing from this friendship?

But friendships between men and women in the church are one holy expression of the hard-fought intimacy God has earned for us in Christ (Galatians ), especially as we draw others into those friendships as safeguards.

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“‘All things are lawful,’ but not all things are helpful” (1 Corinthians ).

What is good for some is not profitable for all — and may be harmful.

So what is the appropriate path for female-male friendships?

The answer is, of course, different for each kind of relationship.

Are they obviously inappropriate, or undeniably essential in healthy church community?

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